“They were in control, and I was at their mercy. I would stumble pathetically into them and then confess to my then discipler and other authority figures. At the time, it seemed like a helpless situation from which I couldn’t escape…”
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Finding My Identity in God
I recall a time when I was in the dark about my calling and purpose. The concept of knowing God’s will for my life felt foreign. I read books that promised to help, yet I remained unsure. I would pray and even fast at times, hoping to discern God’s will, but I was still clueless.
Not knowing my stand with God made things even more difficult. Coming from a cessationist background, I struggled to understand God’s grace and, sadly, could not fully enjoy the things He had in store for me. I used to believe that God disowned me every time I erred. I relied on feelings of guilt and remorse to determine my place with Him. In other words, when I felt remorseful and wept before God’s presence, I believed I was right with Him. But when I felt guilty, I assumed I was disowned.
Extreme teachings around me only added to my confusion. Some said we could sin freely without consequence because the blood of Jesus had covered it all. Others, however, painted a picture of God as a harsh, demanding taskmaster—someone I could never truly satisfy. In a way, it contributed to making God into my religious image, which kept me from appreciating His kindness as well as His severity. I didn’t realise that He wanted to help me be pleasing to Him even more than I wanted to help myself.
When I found my church family at God’s Lighthouse in 2021/2022 and committed myself to the teachings in this house, the truth began to settle in my heart. I came to understand my place with God, the different stages of Christian growth, and that, like a loving human father, God does not discard me every time I err. I learned the importance of daily running in the direction of simple obedience to His commands, and this has brought me a peace I could never buy with money.
I now have a fair idea of what God has called me to do. Though I do not yet see the complete picture or have a long-term plan for my life, and though I experience days of uncertainty, something I have learned is a normal part of the Christian journey as exemplified in Scripture, I rest in the assurance that I am walking in His will.
Here, I have also learned not to approach my purpose selfishly, thinking only of myself. I have embraced the reality that by obeying God daily, I walk in my purpose—and that purpose always translates to serving others for their good.
God’s grace is no longer a foreign concept to me. Through the sincere milk of His Word, faithfully taught by a teacher of God’s Word, I have gained a clear understanding of many scriptural truths. This has made my Christian walk more fulfilling, and I praise God for this.
Deliverance from Pornography and Masturbation
I recall being introduced to these in JSS2. Then, they were in control, and I was at their mercy. I would stumble pathetically into them and confess to my then discipler and other authority figures. At the time, it seemed like a helpless situation from which I couldn’t escape. I tried using calendars and other methods to control my behaviour, but they didn’t work.
I remember serving as a driver to a certain devout Christian and retired mathematics teacher for about a year. I shared these weaknesses with him, and he told me that if I could quit those habits for six months, I would become a stronger and better individual. I struggled and stumbled, but I didn’t give up. During one of my confessions to my discipler, she explained that pornography is a form of idol worship, comparable to sex worship. This revelation marked the beginning of my deliverance. However, it was my consistent attendance at church meetings and involvement in meaningful work in 2022 that ultimately freed me from those strongholds. Since then, I have been a free man.
I used to be troubled by scenes and images from pornography, regardless of where I was or what I was doing. I was constantly fighting those images. But today, I don’t recall the last time I struggled with them, and I thank God for my freedom!
© GAM 2025
