#245 | Fear and Doubt: The Battle Within [Pt. 1]

While we worshipped, I saw myself in a throne room filled with light.
I was kneeling before the Lord as He sat on the throne. He anointed my hands and feet, and told me that I could go.

I had the impression that He was sending me out to the streets—to evangelise.

I stood up and was about to leave, when He took my hands and led me to some place, to teach/show me some things.
This was where the main vision began.

As we walked, we got to a huge wardrobe.
He opened it, and it was filled with all kinds of weapons.
He showed me how to use them, and I tried practicing some myself.
They were instruments of war.

Then we left there and kept walking.
We got to a garden, and He took me in.
It was really beautiful—with all kinds of flowers.
I heard “Antidotes” — they were instruments of healing.

He took me back to the throne room, and I was on my knees again.
Sensing my discomfort or anxiety, He reminded me that I have access to all these things.

Then I confessed:

“I’m afraid.”

[I think He asked “of what?” Or I just proceeded to tell Him.]
“I fear many things.”

I could tell He already knew what I was about to say.
In fact, He knew that I was afraid—right from the beginning—but I just needed to say it myself.
When I did, He took me to show me some more things.

First, He took me to see a baby.
It was in a cot, wrapped in clothing, and giggling—with no care in the world.
He asked me:

“Do you think it has any fears?”

I responded, “Well it should fear a lot of things, but it doesn’t.”
Then He said:

“Good. Have that heart.”

The heart He referred to was the bold attitude of an infant—daring to do or touch certain things they’re not meant to.
[Emphasis is on the boldness, not the disobedience or foolishness].

Next, we saw a man.
He asked the same question:

“Do you think he has any fears?”

I responded, “Well, he shouldn’t be afraid. He is a man, he ought to be mature.”

I didn’t realize my own response until the Lord explained it to me:

“Indeed, he shouldn’t be afraid. He has a role of protecting and defending his family, just as you have to intercede and be a covering for people. But when you let fear get in the way, you can no longer do your job effectively.”

At this point, I saw the man cower in fear and run behind a pillar or someone for safety, when he ought to be the one protecting them.
It was quite shameful to see.

Then I heard a line from our song:

“The Lord is making me His man…”

It was the Lord reminding me that when we sing it, He takes us seriously.
I got the message: I ought to be mature, and not let fear control me.

Then He took me to see an old man.
Seeing the white hair on the man’s head and beard gave me the impression of Wisdom.

Then the Lord said:

“The only fear you are permitted to have is the fear of God. That is the beginning of wisdom.”

We left, and were back in the throne room.

The Lord continued to teach me.
He explained that when I give in to fear or yield to it, I become a slave to it.
In the same way, when I give in to boldness, I become a slave to it.

Then He took me to a corner of the throne room, picked a ring box from a shelf and handed it to me.
He closed my palms in His as I held on to the box, then He looked into my eyes and said:

“It’s in you.”

I didn’t understand what He meant until later.

I held the box in my hands.
It was pretty, covered in red velvet material.

As led, I stepped outside.
It was like standing on the balcony of a house; I could look back and still see the throne room.

I opened the box and a firebird shot out of it into the sky—flying all around the place.
It was a beautiful sight.

I could sense the Lord still communicating with me from where He was, and He explained that the firebird is and has been inside of me.
It was sort of a representation of boldness.
[It also speaks of the prophetic, I believe, giving me the impression of a prophetic enablement in evangelism].

Soon, the empty and opened box in my hand was on fire too, and this somehow transported me to the firebird.
I found myself riding on the back of the firebird [in the air], and soon after, I was on fire too—my entire body, I was like a burning flame.
I had also developed the wings of a firebird.

The Lord explained that this is what happens when He gives that extra grace or boldness—when I feel His Spirit come upon me in more measures.
His influence is powerful.

However, I shouldn’t forget that the firebird had always been in me.

22nd June 2025
Sis. E.E.M.
GAM-WATCH