#246 | Fear and Doubt: The Battle Within [Pt. 2]

I heard the worship leader mention “Doubt” as we prayed. And it seemed simultaneous, or almost immediate—I was crying to the Lord, “help me believe”, as I found it difficult to believe all He had said so far.

Still on the back of the firebird, I looked in a certain direction and saw a replica of myself—no fire, no wings, just me. But then, it didn’t seem to be just me or my usual self.
This ‘me’ looked dead—dirty, whitish and pale, more like a zombie—a walking dead. She had no legs [so it seemed], but just floated in the air, draped in a black patched flowing robe. She was Doubt, and she terrified me.

I gasped in fear and horror on seeing her. Soon, my appearance began to change—taking on her form, and I began to get heavy too. My heaviness put weight on the firebird and it began to lose control, heading downwards like it was about to crash.
Then I looked up to the Lord, realizing that I should have set my eyes on Him, not on ‘Doubting Me’. Then, my form began to get restored and my heavy weight began to reduce; the firebird was coming up again too. But then, my eyes drifted to the ground…

All this while, I hadn’t looked down to see how high we were above the ground. My gaze had always been on the Lord. However, I had hardly finished recovering my usual self when I looked at the ground and discovered how high we were from the ground. I began to scream and shriek in greater fear, and—as you may guess—we were falling, down to the ground. I went into a frenzy—screaming and crying, shouting to the Lord to help me. We were heading to the ground from a great height, and I was sorely terrified [so much that I felt like screaming out loud physically].

The next scene I saw was of myself holding on to the Lord as He sat on His throne—back in the throne room.
Apparently, the Lord had saved me from that fall, but the firebird had crashed into the ground. I was holding on to the Lord tightly for my dear life, sobbing and still shaking from fear, due to the experience. I began to apologize to the Lord. I was sorry for not believing, which had consequently wrecked the firebird. So I apologized for both.

The Lord reminded me of what He had said earlier. I had yielded to doubt and was becoming a slave to her. Her control was getting strong on me, almost taking my life. I looked in that direction again, and saw her—Doubt—floating away into the dark. I felt sad for myself.

The Lord took me to that shelf again. He picked another box—similar to, or same as the first, and handed it over to me. Although, I felt this one looked prettier; it looked like it had some precious stones inlaid into it.
Then He handed me a small bottle of perfume. When I asked what it was, He said that it was Faith.
I remembered that Faith is what fights/counters Fear. Then, He told me that I could go.

I began moving away, while also looking back occasionally to take glances at Him. I knew He had told me to not be afraid, but somehow I felt I still was—although not as horribly as before.
I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay there with Him, knowing that I was safe and wouldn’t have to face any fears, knowing that there’s peace all day long there with Him. But then, I had to go.
So, with part fear, part boldness, but with a new wave of hope and confidence, I left—still taking glances anyways, until the light began to fade and the vision ended.

22nd June 2025
Sis. EEM
GAM-WATCH