I was 9 years old when I began serving my grandfather in his shrine. Born out of wedlock, and growing up constantly bullied, I developed a severe sense of rejection and the need to feel relevant. What follows is my terrible story, and how God changed it.
[PART 1] My Childhood
My mother would always say, “You are my mistake,” because she conceived me towards the end of her secondary school education. She wasn’t ready for a baby, so she did everything to get rid of the pregnancy, but to no avail. Her sister told her that if she ever gave birth, the child would be deformed. However, I came out without any complications, and she concluded from that time that I was ‘a stubborn child.’
I heard stories and saw pictures that made me believe my parents got married later – though eventually, they separated, probably because of their constant quarrels. My mother complained that my father and his mother maltreated her, while my father said my mother was stubborn. I don’t know which the correct story is, but I don’t think it matters. My father told me my mother packed, ran away and left me behind, while my mother said my grandma didn’t allow her to carry me along.
The Shrine
I was raised by my father and his parents and was restricted from visiting my mother’s place, despite the proximity of my primary school to my mother’s family compound. While growing up, my grandfather (a native doctor/herbalist) saw me as his favourite grandson and used my help in his shrine when there was a need. My duties ranged from assisting him in preparing and offering sacrifices, running errands (since he also stood in place of the chief), gathering herbs, and so many other things. I ate every animal killed and sacrificed if it was released for cooking. I do not remember my father accepting to eat them; maybe he did, but it would be very rare if at all.
Bad Elderly Company
While running errands for my grandfather (in his shrine), I would sit and listen to him settle disputes. I was known by the other elders I had to entertain until my grandpa came out. He was the chief priest of the community, and also acted as the king. So, I got to enjoy some of the ‘wisdom’ that came with old age, but his evil ways also rubbed off on me – I could hate someone and not show it, because I was waiting for the right time to deal the perfect blow (and still cry with the victims when they came to confide in me).
Hating The Cane (& the Wielder)
In my father’s bid to raise a good child, he got the opposite of what he desired. In his philosophy, the cane does all the work, so I’ll say I was maltreated by my father without his realizing it. Most mistakes I made as a child amounted to serious beatings only a stubborn teenager deserved. My grandparents detested this, but they could do very little since he’d still wake me up at night to continue the beating each time I ran into their arms.
I hated my father so much as a child that I employed some superstitious beliefs I had to afflict or kill him, but they didn’t work. One day, I told my grandmother that when I grew as tall as one of my uncles, I would beat my father. My father overheard me and said that he was growing too.
Running Away
After my junior secondary school, I arranged with my maternal grandmother to run away and meet my mother (who was now married with children) in Port Harcourt. I kept my bag with my maternal grandmother and discussed with my aunt. On the morning of the day of my final exams in junior secondary school, my father told me to boil water for his tea. I did, but left the kettle on the fire and took off. I met my aunt along the road and left for Port Harcourt to meet my mother.
The Rough Life
Since I used to be in a Technical College, I decided to continue in a Technical School in Port Harcourt where I witnessed cultism and riots. I eventually misbehaved in my mother’s house and was sent back to my father (who had remarried by this time). I continued my schooling in a third technical school where I met bullies and more riots. This was my second exposure to such an environment, and I assimilated that way of life. In these three secondary schools, I was often involved in fights.
[PART 2] Printing Fake Money
While waiting for my admission to the University, I started scamming people; that is, I engaged in fraudulent deals and tricked people into parting with their belongings. I would get their phones to fix and never return them, sell one phone to two or three buyers, and counterfeit currency. I started by producing about 30 counterfeit 200 naira notes and then progressed to higher denominations in larger numbers. I circulated them or struck deals with people who would spread them. By this time, I was known in my community as a fraudster.
Cultism
I was nearly free from cultism when I gained admission into a Polytechnic. However, it wasn’t easy because my needs were not met on time, so I had to hustle to ease the financial disappointments from my parents. I arranged tutorial classes for my mates (first-year students). This singular act exposed me to the campus cults because I was known in the school as the ‘go-to-guy’ (I could fix all sorts of problems, write exams for people, and even produce fake results).
In my second year, a course-mate of mine came to me. Because I was popular on campus, he thought I was a cultist, and wanted me to initiate him. Instead, I lured him into a setup and collected some cash. I claimed to be a member of the ‘Vikings’ because I listened to their song, although I never liked them (because I perceived they were more violent than the other cults and loved supremacy too much, even among themselves).
This person went to another cult group (‘Ayes’) and the same thing happened again; one of them took some money from him but didn’t get him initiated. Finally, he went to the last cult group ‘KKK’ and they initiated him. I think his first mission was vengeance because I had cheated him of his money, but he never dared to do this until one day when I went outside the school. I received a call from my girlfriend that this person met and threatened her. I came back, found him and busted his head in the course of our fight.
He informed his cult members, who came looking for me in the house off-campus, where I lived. I went to find them after my neighbours told me people came looking for me. They served me their warning, but I confronted this person a second time when he announced everywhere that I was a Viking. This time, his gang did not take it lightly, and so about six of them lay in wait for me with matchetes. Before they could do more than slap me (and I responded with a slap of my own), I took off running. I got help to retaliate, but the contenders ran into the bush.
My reaction (fighting alone or with the natives of that community) sent a message to all the cult groups that I wasn’t a cultist as most of them had thought I was. The Vikings then set me up to join their cult – it happened so fast that I couldn’t think well, and before I knew it, I was filing a form that had ‘Supreme Vikings Confraternity’ on the top and signed it with my blood. I was also put through a more intense initiation process in the bush.
I left the polytechnic in my second year when I was desperately wanted in school by the cult group and the school security personnel during the exams. While the gang hung around to wait for me, the school security checked to know who was writing my exams for me.
By this time, I was tired of school. I reported to the ‘Peace on Campus Initiative’ group, and they notified the school security – they gave me a denouncement form to fill and recorded my interview. Nothing seemed to work until I decided to identify with the cult. 3 years later, I realized that the Chief Security Officer of the polytechnic was a Vikings member too – small wonder the Vikings got to know that I had reported them to the school. After some years, I attained the highest hierarchy (the Executioner Emeritus) in the cult by my schemes.
Loving Fraud
I was known to love money and love cheating – I was into deceiving people to get money, selling their stuff that was in my possession and giving excuses later. When I had admission into the Federal University of Technology, Owerri, I couldn’t hold back from scamming anyone that came my way. I benefited from anything that looked like a problem in a person’s life since I claimed to provide the need.
Smoking, Drinking and Partying
I loved drinking, but I think smoking was due to peer pressure. I had friends who later joined different cults so we would go about drinking and causing trouble. Most times, we ran away from the bar to avoid paying bills and other times we would look for people to bully or leave in the mess we created. I was the only one that was never caught. Eventually, everyone heard about me, that I had the habit of ordering things and never paying up or leaving someone behind to clear a mess they didn’t bargain for.
Stealing
The only people I felt comfortable to take from as a teenager were my grandparents because I believed they had nothing to do with their money. But as I grew older, I didn’t see honour in taking people’s things while they were unaware. They almost always said, ‘If I had caught the thief…’ and I would be unable to hide the guilt, so I just simply avoided covert stealing, rather opting for open robbery.
The one time I recall though was when I took my mother’s money, after vowing with threats that I didn’t. But after I left the house that day, I knew she wouldn’t take it lightly. So when I came back, I faked being poisoned – of course, I suffered my fair share for the drama! I was given all sorts of things to drink for the poison and pain – from charcoal in water to Sprite and salt, palm oil, and finally three bags of drip went into my body – for nothing. The longer I lay there, the more I was taken seriously, and so many other things were forced into my mouth, followed by an injection. I endured all these just so she wouldn’t take any action against me.
[PART 3] Pornography
My dad usually stacked his cassettes but hid some in his drawer. I came across them while I was cleaning his room, and they were porn tapes. I would sneak and watch them when he was not around. Sometimes, the power would go out, and the cassette would get stuck in the video machine. At such times, I had to open the video machine and remove the tape. There were also a handful of such videos on his Motorola phone. In 2005, when I started visiting cyber cafes, I would sit all day going through porn sites. I would go there, hack the cafe billing software, and stay as long as they didn’t catch me. (This was before it was banned in cafes).
Masturbation
I can’t recall whether it was my cousin or a friend who introduced me to this act, but I found myself doing it a lot; in the bathroom, and when I was alone and bored. I was so hooked – I could do it three times a day.
Immorality
Because of my over-protective father, I had no opportunity to get involved with girls until after my secondary school. I still remember; when I was about six years old, I visited my father in Benin, and while he was away, a neighbour’s daughter (who was around my age) came to the house. She asked that we play a ‘hiding game’; I followed her under the blanket, but I got uncomfortable when she started doing things that tickled and scared me.
I was also quite shy while growing up, so I didn’t approach any girl. But girls liked me because I acted in ways that amused people. The first time I slept with someone, she was asleep. It was as terrifying as sneaking into someone’s house to steal – there was both excitement and tension. When I got into school, it became a normal thing, but I didn’t have a girl I was committed to since I felt it was easier to deceive them into bed, pay them, or coerce them.
Social Media Scams
In 2005, I would chat with white girls on Yahoo Messenger and video chat using webcam. I missed doing this, and it formed the foundation of the many things I did on social media. During the era of ‘2go’ (a mobile social media app), I wasn’t up to the age to join any of the rooms, so I faked my age to be eligible and joined the room called the ‘20’s.’ Years later, I didn’t get to ‘meet girls’ as most of my peers claimed they did, so I turned to make money through the platforms rather than looking for girls. I created a female account and started extorting money from guys who started sending me gifts, ranging from airtime to cash, and even gadgets.
Before I got a phone that could alter the sound of my voice to that of a female, I got a girl to answer my calls whenever a male called. Then when Facebook introduced video calls, things went sour a bit, except for a few guys who I could still convince. I changed the plan and targeted girls who wanted fast money. I posed as a girl who organized other girls for rich men, and very many girls fell for the scam. I started by redirecting them to the real me (male) who will compel them to sleep with him (me) first. Other times, I’d collect money or have them do both before I link them up. But it was all fake. There was no rich man. Later on, as the scam continued, I started robbing and forcing myself on them by luring them to locations where they would be helpless. In the most perverse way, I actually saw myself as God’s agent of judgment against deserving girls.
Evil Thoughts, Wild Joking
When I saw people I didn’t really like, I would think of ways to set them up, and how I would get them to beg me while I watched them suffer, and it almost always worked out. My eyes were like x-ray machines when I looked at females – nothing was hidden in my mind. I weaved very wild imaginations from a few facts – if they knew what was going on in my head, they wouldn’t feel safe around me.
I didn’t think any jokes were wild (or wrong), so there was no limit to what I could say with my mouth. No one dared advise me. I was the life of the party, though the fun was at the expense of their pleasure. I loved humour and liked practical jokes, even when it hurt the listeners. I mostly made jest of girls, because I didn’t want them to come too close, or have control over my life.
The Trickster Born
I felt I had a fair knowledge of information and communication technology, so I went on to study human beings. Because I had to come up with stories to avoid my father’s punishments, I became a nearly perfect liar. People paid me huge amounts of money for nothing and trusted me so much. Getting people to trust me after they heard about my fraudulent reputation led me to upgrade my skills by learning more things and reading more books. I tried out whatever I had just learned. Once, I separated a man from his money, nearly half a million naira, even after he had gone to check with his native doctor to see if what I was saying was true – I could influence the native doctor from where I was. I faked my death to stop this man I defrauded from pursuing me.
[PART 4] Seeking Out Mystic Powers
While visiting the cyber cafe, I followed sites like the ‘Church of Satan’ and others on black magic and voodoo. I often came across spellbooks. I had an uncle who had an amazing library of books that kept reducing in size due to people with magnetic hands. I saw a Hindu book on ‘self-realization’, so I read it and also read a book from my friend about ‘Rosicrucians’. I went ahead to learn a few things about Eckankar and tried spiritual exercises from all these books. After one of such exercises, though I didn’t get a result immediately, that night, I woke up suddenly, (half-conscious), and saw the sun directly above my head.
Doing Drugs
I liked smoking cigarettes and drinking, but I realized there was another kind of high, better than getting drunk. I was introduced to cheap drugs like pills and syrup. Eventually, I upgraded to some hard substances. I used them diluted until I began to take them raw. The feelings graduated from feeling ill to feeling on top of the world and then becoming suicidal. It was one of the worst things that ever happened to me, because cultism, wild parties, alcohol, smoking, and sexual immorality couldn’t do to me what this substance did. It made me rob more, scam more, oppress people, sell things and borrow more money just to buy some. I never got satisfied – only frustrated and depressed.
Robbery
I robbed people – over a hundred of them – of their things, especially greedy girls. I used the money to get a comfortable life or try to be generous, hoping it would reduce the curses I’d earned (from those I had offended). Other times, I used the money as leverage to make people indebted to me. I spent most of it on drinks, hosted as many people as possible – mostly cultists from different cult groups. When drugs came into the picture, everything I did was to get a fix, and another, and another, until I was sure I had no money on me, nothing to sell, and nobody to borrow from. At such times, I accepted it that way and dealt with the depression or went out with a loaded revolver.
[PART 5] Rape
Apart from the girls that wanted connections with rich men, I was not patient with girls who didn’t want to give in when I wanted, especially when I felt they had taken the bait. I hated for them to see me as just another guy to be milked. Meanwhile the wicked spirits I had yielded to created in me a wish to start a cult group, have a team of assassins, and a secluded area where I kept and tortured (mostly girls) till all they thought of was how to please me. I usually didn’t enjoy immorality when everything was easy, just as I didn’t like girls who accepted to go to bed with me on the first day of meeting (except I was paying them).
Power-Thirsty…
A lot of people usually came around me – because of the feelings they got or because of my personality – so I began to seek power, money, and fame. Many young men have joined cults and done unimaginable things just because they wanted to be like me, but I wasn’t satisfied. I wanted to control everything and everyone around me, to be the centre of all things. I played politics, set up schemes, and manoeuvres. I wasn’t the head of my cult group– I was like a patron who the different heads came under, and my mere presence terrified many and made the worst cultists uncomfortable. I appeared gentle. My deeds, looks, and behaviour spoke for me – the evil reputation that preceded me began to demonize me, and I idolized it; I needed more of it.
Betraying, and Being Betrayed
I believed humans were selfish and greedy. I believed I could only trust myself. I was proven right when I was lured into a trap by someone I called my friend – we drank and smoked together. We always changed our hangout locations, so one day he took me to a place where I was surrounded by his gang, beaten, and left to die from the machete wounds. I decided not to trust people any longer, and betray them first before they did the same to me.
One time, I was building a ponzi scheme site for some people, and I was arrested on grounds of robbery. After I came out, I negotiated with the same police officers and arrested the people I was building the site with, so I could make away with whatever we had gained. Even though they suspected I was the one who orchestrated it, I made sure I was arrested in the same hotel with them and remained in the police cell until they bailed themselves out. Then I got my share and went home.
Another time, I had issues with a worthy opponent over a girl, a ‘viqueen’(a female Viking) – a drug baron who was a little higher than me in the cult. He took it upon himself to fight me because he wanted to help the girl. I knew that he was just as smart and intelligent as I was; he was a bit spiritual, but static in the use of his charms, and even stiffer with his gun. I was more flexible than he could imagine, but he kept threatening me and playing mind games which I understood. He thought he had leverage on me because I was wanted everywhere. Based on my relationship with the police force and other agencies, I arranged with the NDLEA for our arrest when I went to buy drugs from him. I pretended, so we settled the issue we had in the presence of two cult groups [Vikings and the Mafias], then we went to take the drugs together before we got arrested but I escaped from cuffs and travelled some days later.
[PART 6] The Inner Void
I always felt an emptiness within. I was never happy for long or fully satisfied. I acquired knowledge that came with more burdens. I got money through faulty means but still ended up borrowing. I tried to please people, but they were not pleased for long. Nothing filled the gap I felt – not sexual activity (with about 150 girls), not drug use (which cost so much in a year and totaled more than I had spent in my whole life, leading to my debts), not alcohol, not fame or power (despite my connections with the government/military and dating female police officers who gave me information). I wasn’t fine.
I travelled to three different states without knowing anyone there or how I would survive. I often pictured turning myself into the police and having peace in prison. I was trying to run from myself which wasn’t possible. I hated what I did, and never wanted to have a friend like myself. That’s why I didn’t blame my friends when they disconnected from me.
“God Loves You…”
I went to church whenever I felt like it, but never when I was invited, especially by girls. I didn’t want it to be said that I followed a girl to church. There was this belief that listening to and obeying the female gender was a sign of weakness and if your enemies knew, they might kill you. People who knew me didn’t want to preach Christ to me, and if I people came to preach to me, I’d make jest of them or ask questions to shake what they believed.
One of the times after I was released from incarceration by the Drug Enforcement Agency, I was waiting to be picked up by a friend around the University of Uyo campus. I decided to see what the school looked like after about 9 years; I wanted to see the changes and show girls some mock-respect. I met a girl after a few minutes, spoke to her briefly, and decided to continue the gist by telling her our meeting wasn’t coincidental. (This was how I got people to give me their attention, with influence from my knowledge of mysticism, philosophy, and so on} and then I asked for her number. She said that getting her number was not the problem, that God said she should tell me He loves me. What caught my attention wasn’t the ‘God said…’ but how she said it – it was as if she got the message instantly, and I was interested in knowing if there was a power higher than what I possessed. We exchanged numbers, and I promised to come to her church meeting. During the church meeting, I heard new things, but my mind was half in the meeting and half in my street – what was happening, what I’d missed and how to get another “fix”. I usually purposed in my heart to change and do what I heard, but it wasn’t possible, so I discarded it until the next church meeting. Yet, the truth kept calling me.
At night, I would go looking for encounters with spirits or forces to bargain with. Now, I know that a lot of things I got to believe we’re not just acquired knowledge, but demonic influences; I could know what was going on in a person’s life and what they were thinking. A Christian friend had told me it was a gift, the ‘discernment of spirits’, but I didn’t believe, because I wasn’t a Christian.
Conviction And Partial Repentance
Pornography was not my thing – it weakened me or kept me in a vulnerable (soft) state, so I didn’t like it. I preferred watching leaked rape videos on the internet or the ones I recorded. While still attending the church meetings, I hadn’t dropped any habits. I decided one day to watch the video of a girl I had once raped and robbed on my phone. I saw the girl lying down naked on the sandy floor of a classroom battered, and images of her struggling flashed continuously through my mind. I felt very disgusted with myself at that moment, so I called someone who came and bought the phone off me immediately. I used the money to buy drugs and went back to my house feeling terrible.
I assembled my father’s tenants and our neighbours and told them how miserable my life had been before my father came around. I continued and asked for everyone’s forgiveness – especially my father’s. Everyone took turns to comment, then prayed for me while I held my father’s feet and sobbed. I went to the church meeting that evening at God’s Lighthouse and shared what had happened. For a week or two, I seemed to have changed, but I was still using drugs.
Back to the Bad
Eventually, I fell, continued from where I stopped and became even more evil. My community became too uncomfortable for me, because of the things I kept doing. When I betrayed some people, I travelled out of my town for months, planning to go outside the country or anywhere else, but things didn’t turn out as planned.
I did more and more evil and refused to be under any authority. My cult group rejected me; they stopped informing me about their meetings. Anywhere I found myself, trouble followed. I continued robbing here and there until SARS arrested me. Like always, when it seemed I was at the edge, a breakthrough came. I didn’t have any money to bribe the SARS agents with, because I had spent all my money on drugs. After being petitioned against by the community I lived in (in Port Harcourt) because of the trouble I caused, I came back to my hometown (in Akwa Ibom) and attended the church meeting in God’s Lighthouse. After attending a bible study meeting, I was called into a prayer meeting, and some prophetic words were shared with me. In one of the visions, my hands were seen tied behind my back, and a question was asked: ‘Do I have to do this before you obey?’ Another said I had Jonah’s kind of calling, and if God couldn’t use me, then the devil couldn’t either. I didn’t take the prophetic words seriously.
Five days later, I met a girl who was looking for a house to rent – I tried to lure her to a secluded place so I could rob her, but she saw it coming. I was very impatient; I needed to get some drugs that evening with any money I could find. I couldn’t wait anymore. I felt a sudden urge to snatch her phone, and she saw the move. She started running and shouting, but I pushed her down and got the phone. I was not fast enough, because I was caught. For the first time in my life, I was beaten for stealing. Since it was my community, some boys stopped the mob from continuing to beat me and didn’t allow them to turn me over to the police.
[PART 7] The Prodigal Returns
After I was assisted to limp away from there, I found my way to where the church met to meet the pastor. He treated my badly split head and lip (administered first aid) and took me to a hospital to be sewed up the next day, and that’s how I got to sit and listen to the word of God. I was planning to pay a visit to the people who beat me up that day, but during the church meeting, I saw people who claimed to have had an encounter with God. Though I had my doubts, I prayed that if God was real, He should give me a sign to hold on to, because the dark side was very practical. In the past, I had heard a whole lot about churches – fake miracles and people rehearsing to speak in tongues – so I needed proof that this one was real.
Seeing The Signs
I started seeing visions. They were like still images at first, then slides of images, and eventually streams of movies played out right in front of me. It was too good to be true. I was constantly distracted during prayers because the visions overwhelmed me and I would forget parts of them. Much later, I even desired the visions were suspended for a while to allow me to study my Bible. I still had doubts when people shared their visions or when there was a prophecy. But I said to myself, ‘If you being a criminal can see these things, why can’t they who are even better?‘ and I remember hearing the pastor say something like ‘know no man according to the flesh’. I also desired to speak in tongues but didn’t get the baptism of the Holy Spirit at this time.
Freedom from Drug Addiction
In the midst of this, I was still taking drugs, because whenever I thought about it, I couldn’t help it. One day, I took some drugs before a church meeting. I was planning to go return it to where I bought it, after the service, but I had three visions which I understood as warnings. I decided not to leave, and purposed in my heart to tell the pastor, “I can’t do it again.” Suddenly, a voice in my head listed out important things I needed to do, and the practical steps to achieving them. It seemed it was all too much for me. Then the same voice encouraged me, and I received strength.
Healing and Deliverance
After a short while, some brethren and I began to pray together. One of those times, we prayed a little bit longer, and I got healed of a urinary tract disease which I had suffered for a long time, delivered of demonic influences, and baptized in the Holy Ghost with the sign of speaking in tongues. I felt as if an iron sponge had passed through my mind, or I had woken up in another age or time – my mind was clean. I felt so different, and I felt the things I used to do would defile my spirit if I ever thought of them. The urge to take drugs was gone, and it was one of the major things I had battled with.
Overcoming Lust
I also struggled with lust. I fought for a long time, and just when I learned how to fight the God-way, I lost the ability to see visions. This was another terrible time. When I looked back at those amazing dreams and visions (though some were embarrassing, like one where I was pregnant), I believed this was either my ‘wilderness experience’ (as was taught in church) or God’s answer to my prayer that I get to know Him better.
I found myself praying for people more often, and the results were amazing. Now, I have realized these things are real, and God has been so patient with me. I studied the bible, read books and had dreams that made a whole lot of sense. I was thinking about God in ways I can’t explain and the way He answered my every prayer was fantastic – so I decided to give up my plans for His.
Faith in God
All my life, I didn’t believe God for anything, until recently when it seemed I had to ask Him for anything I wanted. After my conversion, I called a relative who was of no help to me for six years, (despite his financial stability in his political office) because I needed to pick up some books I had bought on credit. I hoped he would be excited and respond positively when he heard I’d given my life to Christ. He was happy but did not give me the money. I went to God in prayer, and I was comforted in my dream. The next day, God responded! I had some money paid to me.
[PART 8] Victories in Spiritual Warfare
Christianity wasn’t easy for me, but then, nothing is. I was a risk-taker all my life, so why should I care now? I realized I was enlisted in the Lord’s army the day I gave my life to Christ, and being a soldier involves training, battles, and pains. I have fought battles on physical, spiritual and mental grounds. I’ve had many victories and some losses with lessons learned.
Lust, anger, depression, greed, shame, cultism, addiction, disobedience, pride, allergies and other forms of opposition have crossed my path on different battlefields. Some were overcome easily, and others left scars.
Developing a Work Ethic
It usually takes me some time to learn most things that matter, but when I eventually do, it’s hard to forget. I wasn’t the kind of person that could be trusted to do anything on time, because I gave up easily, sometimes even before starting. This made me force or pay people to work for me. I remember just standing there and watching my dad do the things he sent me to do. I only learned how to cook because I had to survive wherever I ran to; the rest of the things I should have done or learned were usually postponed. But now, I can work! I realized that the sleep of a man that has laboured is sweet because all the things I missed and classes I skipped earlier in life are now coming as a crash-course. At first, I was thinking I was reaping what I sowed, but then I realized I was forgiven already, and this is just a training process.
Learning To Pray, Love, & Believe
Since my healing, and based on the amount of knowledge I have now, I try to find out what God’s will is on a particular matter, then pray in line with it. Love, faith, grace, patience, self-control, generosity and such are the things I have prayed for, and so far, I have experienced changes in the aspect of loving and faith!
A Spiritual Family
Another bonus is the new family and friends I have, which are far better than the former. I see them all as my brothers and sisters, siblings of one Father. Though every child has his or her strengths and weaknesses, I believe we are getting better each day.
Trials
I have asked God purge me of all filthiness and teach me to rely on Him alone. Most times when I would want to go out, I would think of what I’ll do if I am confronted by my former friends. Sometimes I thought, “Maybe I’ll just kill them at once, then ask God for forgiveness.” I even had dreams of killing a lot of them, but the Holy Spirit would remind me that I couldn’t do evil so that good might come, and I also realized that I couldn’t help God, so I let Him do what’s best. I have also noticed that God often allows me to face challenges to which I ordinarily would have reacted negatively. But, as I kept trusting Him and didn’t act on my own, He delivered me time and again. I believe He waited to see my reaction, and I thank Him for the understanding and the gift of faith He gave me.
Reconciling With Dad
My father decided to take back those things I took forcefully from him because he realized I was now weak (I had repented, and was no longer prone to violence). He told me a few things when I went to visit him after I had left the house angrily. I stayed back in the house, conversing with my grandmother while waiting for him to return. When he came, I decided to go and meet him after asking God for mercy. He didn’t exactly accept the proposal I gave but I was happy because this was an opportunity for us to start afresh after we discussed our grievances.
Glory be to God.
